<h1>I forgot my grocery list. I\u2019ll try to reconstruct it here for your personal enjoyment:<\/h1>\r\nDry Swiffer\r\n\r\nToilet wand refills\r\n\r\nHalf and half\r\n\r\nShampoo and conditioner (My daughter goes through about a bottle of these every two weeks. She also never rinses the tub. If I slip and fall and die in the shower, you\u2019ll know why.)\r\n\r\nRazors (to cut myself on my way down)\r\n\r\nShave cream (for soft legs in my coffin)\r\n\r\nMakeup wipes (for my daughter to remove her mascara after my funeral)\r\n\r\nTissues (for the rampant tears)\r\n\r\nToilet paper (no explanation necessary)\r\n\r\nPaper towels (to wipe up dog pee in the kitchen)\r\n\r\nand... I have no idea what else.\r\n\r\nI guess I\u2019ll just wing it. Story of my life.\r\n\r\nI just returned from an amazing vacation in Portland, Oregon, for my brother\u2019s wedding. After the nuptials, some of my family and I packed up and headed to the shore. It\u2019s weird there. Grass grows all the way to the water\u2019s edge, and cows graze in pastures a mile from the beach.\r\n\r\nOne of the best parts of the vacation was meeting my two-month-old niece. She is absolutely sweet and snuggly, with a full head of hair. At one point I was holding her in our beach house, and I whispered in her ear, just loud enough for my sister to hear, \u201cLet\u2019s blow this beach town, kid. We can run away and start a new life.\u201d\r\n\r\nAh yes, the dream of a new life! One free of shopping lists, bank loans, property taxes and school fundraisers. I could have just grabbed that baby girl, stuffed her in the back seat and run for the Canadian border.\r\n\r\nWe could be American refugees, expats. We\u2019d live in the car! I\u2019d feed her baby formula I\u2019d stolen from the grocery store until I could find some odd jobs milking beach cows in order to make enough money to send to Wells Fargo for my monthly car payment.\r\n\r\nLater, through a secret email account, I\u2019d contact my other kids and send for them too. School be damned! I\u2019d teach them myself. We\u2019d busk on the street corners of Vancouver; I\u2019d teach them how to diagram sentences and add fractions in the glow of the car dome light.\r\n\r\nWe could get new names! I\u2019ve always wanted to be an Erika (with a \u201ck\u201d), and I\u2019m sure my kids hate their names, too. We could name the baby together, if we could agree on a name (I\u2019m voting for Ruby, because she\u2019s a bit of a ginger). It would be epic!\r\n\r\nAh, but alas, the feds (or the Mounties, or whoever) would probably catch up with us. And I\u2019m sure winters in Vancouver are too cold to endure while living in a car, even a luxurious SUV such as the one Wells Fargo is kind enough to let me drive.\r\n\r\nInstead, I suppose I must return to my life here at home, and reconstruct my grocery list. We\u2019ve been gone a while - I probably need to just buy everything.\r\n\r\nWhich reminds me, I wonder if there is a Trader Joe\u2019s in Vancouver.