We\u2019ve been trying to upgrade our satellite service. Living out in the woods, as we do, there\u2019s no such thing as broadband internet or cable TV, so we depend entirely on satellite\r\nto get information into and out of our house.\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s either that or holler real loud, and it\u2019s hard for folks to hear me all the way in town. So, satellite it is. Three weeks ago, a technician arrived in a short-bed pickup with a six-foot ladder, ostensibly ready to install a new TV satellite onto our roof. He got out of his truck shaking his head. As Tom came outside to call the dogs off, this particular technician was already muttering something about \u201cinsurance\u201d and \u201cyou can\u2019t pay me enough to climb onto that roof.\u201d (Our house is tall. Three stories plus an attic, tall. Fortunately, because my husband is a carpenter by trade, our house is also not finished, and there is always a scaffolding around somewhere, all set and ready to be climbed.)\r\n\r\nThe technician gestured to the ladder in his pickup. \u201cAin\u2019t no way I can get up there,\u201d he said. \u201cSure you can,\u201d Tom said. \u201cJust use the scaffolding.\u201d Well, that guy noped the heck out of there, telling Tom he\u2019d arrange for someone with a bigger ladder and a stronger\r\nstomach to come back next Saturday and install the new dish.\r\n\r\nThe next week, the new guy was supposed to arrive between noon and four. At four-thirty, I got a call from the satellite company informing me that the technician had a family\r\nemergency, and could we reschedule for next week?\r\n\r\nSure, I said, staring longingly into the distance. Whatever.\r\n\r\nSo, last weekend another guy showed up in a short-bed pickup with no ladder.\r\n\r\nTom went outside to call the dogs off. \u201cWhere\u2019s your ladder, man?\u201d he asked.\r\n\u201cNo one told me to bring me one.\u201d Unbelievable. Alright, Tom said. How do you feel about scaffolding? I tried to encourage the new guy, as he ascended the scaffolding, walked across the walk board and hoisted himself onto the roof. \u201cI could tell by your voice on the telephone you aren\u2019t scared of heights,\u201d I told him, flirting just a little bit.\r\n\r\nWell, homeboy said he had no problem with scaffolding, he\u2019d hung drywall after all, he said, but his primary concern was the height of the trees surrounding the house. A little while later, he came inside to check the signal. Something was wrong.\r\n\r\nMy teenage daughter, who had just gotten a new TV for her birthday, stared at me significantly. A couple minutes later, the technician took his short-bed pickup truck and headed down the driveway. My daughter began to weep. I reached over to hug her, and\r\nshe shrugged me off.\r\n\r\n\u201cI don\u2019t want to be comforted,\u201d she told me. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d I demanded of Tom, suppressing a wail of my own.\r\n\u201cSee that tree?\u201d he asked.\r\n\u201cWhich one?\u201d\r\n\u201cThat one. The tall one.\u201d\r\n\r\nAh, the Tall One, I thought, staring into the woods. Tom settled my vision on a particularly\r\nbig tree growing on the edge of the yard. Apparently, that particular tree has grown quite a bit over the last 10 years, and it\u2019s now blocking the new TV company\u2019s new satellite.\r\n\u201cWell how do we fi x it?\u201d I asked.\r\n\u201cWe have to cut it down,\u201d he said.\r\n\u201cWell, where\u2019s your chainsaw?\u201d I asked. He laughed. Apparently, dear reader, one doesn\u2019t simply cut down a 100-foot tree on a whim. Apparently, in fact, one has to hire a professional.\r\n\u201cHow much will that cost?\u201d I asked Tom, thinking that, quite frankly, anything over fifty bucks is outside my budget.\r\n\u201cAbout five grand.\u201d\r\nOh.\r\nI have all these town friends who are \u201ccutting the cord,\u201d getting rid of their cable and subscribing to Netflix and doing things with firesticks and Rokus. They even, get this,\r\nuse their Amazon Prime accounts to watch movies and TV shows.\r\nWeird.\r\nAll this stuff is completely foreign to me. All I do is let the satellite TV company take $140 out of my account on the fourteenth day of every month, and the satellite internet\r\ncompany take $160 out of my account on the twenty-first day of every month, and I grit my teeth and watch network television and HBO, just like I did in the \u201880s.\r\nAnd I pray that my teenage daughter doesn\u2019t use up the internet data too quick.\r\n\r\nBless her heart.\r\n\r\nSo anyway, if anyone knows of a good tree guy, or has any ideas how to lay some cable and broadband out to Friars Hill, my daughter sure would appreciate it.\r\n\r\nJust give us a holler. If we\u2019re on the porch, we\u2019ll hear you.