Ask Alicia

I received an email this week from a young lady who is dealing with a delicate situation and needs guidance on how to handle it.

Dear Alicia,
I currently live in Greenbrier County, but will be moving back to my hometown in South Carolina at the end of September. I recently learned that my ex-boyfriend has told everyone in our hometown that he has a child with me and that I am keeping the child away from him. While we were together, I became pregnant. I told him and he left me to deal with it on my own. Unfortunately, I miscarried early on and informed him when that happened as well, but he still refused to stay in contact with me. We spoke a few months after the miscarriage but haven’t talked directly since then. My question is how should I handle the situation when it arises once I move back to South Carolina?

Blue Eyes Crying
First and foremost, let me say that losing a child, whether by miscarriage, still birth, or after they have been with you sometime is not something that you can get over quickly. It takes time and support from the people you love to recover from such a tragic loss. I lost a son who was born prematurely and still have trouble coping on his birthday ten years later. I hope you have a wonderful group of friends and family that support you and give you strength and energy to continue the healing process.
If you are moving back to your hometown, then you have friends there who knew what was happening during that time. Hopefully those friends know the truth and have ignored the stories he has been telling. If they are feeding into it, then they aren’t true friends anyway. And seriously, who needs that kind of negativity in their life?
The thing you need to remember is that words only have power over you if you allow them to do so. Gossip is simply a form of passing negative energy around and those who repeat it are continuing the flow. For the sake of your own happiness, you must rise above. Those who try to draw you into a negative confrontation are only trying to steal your positive energy for themselves. Keep this in mind when you move back home. You’ve grown since you left and you aren’t a naïve kid now. Be the strong young woman that we are all meant to be. You have carried a child, suffered the loss of that child and you are still here. If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is.
Now I’ll address the heart of your question. How do you handle the inevitable confrontation that will occur when you run into your ex or someone who believed his story? The answer is actually very simple. Smile! Be pleasant and don’t bring up the past. What he said or did doesn’t matter in your life anymore. You are dealing with the loss of your child in your own way and dredging up the past with him will only lower your energy level and cause you more stress. Don’t let him be a negative influence in your life. Be strong and remember that he’s already shown you who he truly is and that person doesn’t belong in your life. I wish you the best of luck on your move, Blue Eyes. Just keep that positive support system around you and don’t let the past get you down!
So for now, dear readers, I’ll leave you with this quote to ponder for the week. “Energy is contagious, positive and negative alike. I will forever be mindful of what and who I am allowing into my space (Alex Elle).” You and only you can control who is in your life and how they affect your energy. Choose wisely.
Bright Blessings, Peace and Happiness,

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