By Tanya Hazelwood
Business in the front, party in the back
It seems that I’ve been asked by people (mostly those trying to get sober) how I resist temptation. I really wish I had some life changing, explosive answer. To be honest, I have been so incredibly busy lately in my life with starting a new business, trying to write, spending time with friends and family and the anticipation of the grandbaby that I haven’t even really had the chance to think about whether or not I want a drink. When I stop and think about it, I start questioning myself. Why is it so easy? Shouldn’t I be struggling a little more than I am? Does it make me look like a poser that I am not down and out, shaking from withdrawal? I’m not sure. I do know that I did have a drinking problem and maybe it was easier for me, more than others to stop. This doesn’t mean by any chance that I think I am cured. I am fully aware that at any second I could start drinking again and be sucked right back into that hole I dug myself out of.
Halloween time was always my biggest party season. I was the one that had the annual big Halloween bash and everyone got trashed. Last year, I was so drunk that I stepped on a rusty nail and it went through my foot. I woke up in my bed with only one shoe on. When I found the other one it was stuck on a board in my yard with the nail still in it. I ended up in the ER and had to get a shot. How did I ever think that was fun? Pretty much every time I drank I ended up with some sort of injury, either self-inflicted or accident. But the bright side of me being sober this Halloween party season was no hang-over, no injury, not next morning apologies and no awful mess to clean up!
So the moral to this story is maybe I’ve grown up. Yeah, it’s taken me almost 40 years to do it but I am all about wanting to have a successful business and be a wonderful sober grandmother. So many good things are happening in my life. I want to give my sobriety all the credit but I know, it was God’s doing. He knew all along the struggles I had. He loved me anyway. He had bigger and better plans for me. I don’t argue with him about why He waited so long to show me the light. It was this time, right now that He felt I was ready and He was of course, right. They say not to make major decisions the first year of your sobriety. Boy, did I throw that right out the window. Dangerous maybe, but I’ve never really been the one to conform to what everyone else says. Guess you can call me a rebel but I do know one thing. Now that I have a sober mind and an open heart to God, I pray about every single decision I make. Sometimes I have to wait because He shows me it’s just not the right time, but I believe in Him. He’s given me a whole new life. I no longer jump into things blindly. Everything is thought out and prayed upon. I would never had this clarity while filled with rum and soda. That always opened me up wide for that nasty old devil to come pound hard on my soul.
I am happy where I am in life. So, sorry if me not struggling sends you a red flag that maybe I wasn’t struggling as hard as I first told you. I wish I had all the answers for those who do struggle more than me. I don’t. BUT I certainly know who does have the answers and I hope that all who are lost find Him.
