By Karen Cohen
Throwing in the Trowel
I kicked off my garden clogs and decided to walk barefoot through the grass and garden today. My feet will get filthy but a good long night soak will help melt off the dirt before I slip under the sheets tonight. TMI: I don’t bother getting pedicures anymore. Why bother spending all that money on colored toenails or for that matter, fingernails? I am a gardener and proof of that lies under each digit. All 20 of them. Years ago, a designer whom I worked with remarked, “Your nails are all uneven and ragged.” My reply was, “You pick colors and I pick tomatoes.” Period. Nuf said. Move along now.
Speaking of moving along, have you noticed how quickly time has flown by? I am considered officially an elder! Did I have to tell y’all that? Nah, but why hide that fact? I do consider myself lucky to be around this long! AND I still have my synapses firing in the ole brain-eroo… The whole world has heard recently from way too many younger folks that our current president (due to his old age), must relinquish his title to someone younger in our 2024 elections. Those darn young folks keep popping up everywhere, don’t they! There seems to be a long line of them in back of older folks just ready to push us off the proverbial cliff! Seriously, that’s okay by me! I have a parachute on and I am ready to face up to the facts about aging. I’ve earned my badge of honor and may still have more in store, too!
But here’s my dilemma that clouds my thoughts after the Biden incident. Do I want to spend my next ten years tending to crops that may/may not fail? What am I actually able to accomplish? The all powerful and all knowing Mother Nature never considers my past accomplishments including all my hard work toiling year after year in my garden. I now present to you my brief summation of my 20×50 fenced garden; I include both successes (because I remain positive despite all the BS), and the failures (ouchie). Let’s begin, shall we?
My cabbages that were doing so well and rounding up into hard balls have now become squishy and brown and stink! Cabbage moths lay eggs and then the “caterpillars” eat up everything they are born on. Ditto with my once attractive brussel sprout plants. The eggplant plants, which okay, okay, I know don’t grow well here but I nursed along anyway, have recently become lace doilies due to flea beetles. I squished the little black dots almost daily but then I left for a few days of visiting out of town friends and came back to…what? Flowers on them have come and gone, dropped off to the ground before pollination, and yesterday I spent $5 on one eggplant from our local farmers’ market to fulfill my eggplant craving. I questioned the farmer, “$5, really??” But he knew he had the right to charge that. He grew his eggplants in the covered hoop house where no flea beetle even thought to enter. They were too busy consuming all the arugula outside. @$%^& (that means I cussed.) I was careful and deliberate with my tender eggplant plants. I covered them securely with remay cloth and that worked. When they grew to two feet I thought they were strong and would survive. Wrong. Can you say Dec-E-ma-tion?
Basil. Oh basil. Why do I have not one single basil stalk to chop up for my tomato and cheese caprese salad? What did I do wrong? Beats me! I do have two resident toads that are lurking about in my garden. They look guilty! They never make eye contact with me, I’ve noted that. Yes, they eat bugs but do they also go for tender young plants too? Don’t ask, don’t tell is the reply I get from them. Ok, I give them leeway because, well, toads are cool and bumpy! Ugly but in a cute way, you know what i mean.
Enough of the failures that remind me that maybe “I don’t want to do this again next year.” Do I? Successes are worth counting too: Swiss chard and mustard greens (nothing seems to eat or kill those in my garden). Our six foot fence around the perimeter of our growing area works to keep out the critters. Pretty it ain’t, but then, who’s looking! Deer, rabbits, chipmunks, mice, etc. don’t have any clue about good taste… but they do know what tastes good. My human friends are not a bit impressed by our ugly chain link fence, but it does keep out my dog who digs and my cats who pee; I won’t mention those marauding, crepuscular deer! They’re heading for your yard as we speak!
Zucchini! Can anyone get too much zucchini? Mais oui, mon ami, (that’s my high school French kicking in-look it up!). Everyday there is another zuke to harvest before it turns into a baseball bat that could whack someone dead as quickly as you can say Tony Soprano! I do love zucchini much more than the numerous cucumbers that proliferate. Want some? Pickles! Cucumbers certainly taste much better when they are aging…into pickles! Who wants pickles for the rest of your life?
So let’s segway and go back to aging. I’m aging… but let’s face it- you are aging too! What age is actually old? Nevermind-who asked you! I ask myself in a moment of very deep self-contemplation, “Do I want to continue coaxing baby seedlings into fruition till the very end of my precious days? Do I want to bend, stoop, kneel, weed, plant, hoe, and then do it all over again year after year for a few measly vegetables?” The heat got to me this summer; we opted to install a window A/C for the first time living here in 25+ years. Even here in the cooler temps of West Virginia, it was H.O.T.! Must we water daily to keep plants from fainting and turning crunchy? Whether or not you believe in climate change, I know and you know, temperatures are getting hotter everywhere! No diggity, no doubt!
Presently, we have much needed daily rain. That causes mildew to set in on the tomatoes. The straw mulch I’ve spread in my garden now grows mold around the plants so I just raise my hands and say, “Ok, I’ve had enough of this guessing game!” Call it before it calls me… Growing food and flowers is a test of endurance and stamina. I just might throw in my trowel! But wait, I’ve still got a few seeds left in this packet right here.
Karen Cohen is an organic grower and would love to hear about your garden success! Share your tips and comments via email to: natureswaykaren@gmail.com and Happy Gardening!