One Day At A Time: One Woman’s Journey
By Tanya Hazelwood
Tales from Facebook
Facebook. Wow, here’s a subject I could write pages about. There is a lot of good about Facebook and certainly a lot of bad. I’ve experienced both. It’s no secret that I have an addictive personality and it’s also no secret that I am a very open person. I am completely aware that I am probably addicted to Facebook, perhaps my cell phone in general. I know I spend way too much time with it in my hand. I also am completely aware that I can be quite annoying to those who have to endure my 500 posts a day and the million pics I post a week.
I am also aware that Facebook causes me great anxiety and paranoia. Sometimes someone will post something and I just swear it’s about me, I begin to stress out about it and most likely it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Now, add booze to those feelings. Boy, when I was drinking you could tell it by my Facebook page. First would come the posting of songs and videos, then the excessive incoherent status updates and don’t leave out the pics of myself thinking I looked sooooo cute (not).
I instant messaged people I normally didn’t talk to and had lengthy conversations. I had a habit of getting stuff off my chest and having serious chats with people. Then the morning came and I had to go back through my messages, statuses and pics and start deleting and figuring out who I needed to apologize to. It’s quite embarrassing some of the things I would post.
I recall having a huge falling out with my mother-in-law because apparently someone decided they didn’t like the things I posted, blocked me and told her about it. Something along the lines of Sundays I would post about going to church and then a few days later post about being out partying, drunk and posting pics of it. I guess some of the other things I posted offended them as well. My mother-in-law called me out on my bs and of course I was extremely bitter and defensive, that’s what us alcoholics do. We didn’t speak for months and it caused a big riff in the family. I see differently now.
I still post a lot, but now, it’s all about my sobriety and my clear mind and my new outlook on life. I still get on peoples nerves I guess but this time it’s with all my happiness and positivity. Guess what, though? I am getting through to people. I constantly have people messaging me or friends requesting me because they are impressed with my sobriety and struggle and my openness about it all. I also have MANY people coming to me for help or support for their addictions. So I am gonna have to say that what I am doing writing this column or posting on Facebook, it’s doing good for others, not just me.
Sure there are still people out there with a bunch of negative stuff to say about me. I believe recently after I posted something about waking up with a smile, no hangover or regrets someone posted that they had a problem (I am describing this a lot nicer than they did) with self-righteous newly sober people and our preaching and what we could do with it. Of course, the party band wagoners all jumped on that hot topic and downed anyone who dares get sober to better their lives. HA! That’s ok, I’m sure they were just angry because they DID wake up with a hangover and a few regrets. I’m gonna keep at this, speaking out, telling my story. It’s part of the reason I am staying sober.